Lest We Forget

A year ago today, I watched in horror as the Capitol Building of the United States of America was stormed by American citizens. Let us never forget this tragic moment in history when those among us resorted to violence to solve a perceived injustice.

Hate and violence are not solutions to our country’s problems. Greater communication, tolerance, respect, honesty, truth, compromise and love are the qualities that will allow our democracy (republic) to thrive as our founding fathers intended.

Freedom and the spirit of democracy are never guaranteed…they need to be treasured and nurtured every bit as much as do our relationships with each other.

Photo credit: https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/03/politics/gallery/january-6-capitol-insurrection/index.html

A Love Poem for Valentine’s Day

I wrote this several years ago…thought it was worth a reblog. Happy Valentines’s Day to everyone!

Sweet Thoughts…Precious Memories…Undying Love  How  many of you have ever felt this way?

You have been mine before;

I remember the taste of your tender kisses,

The warmth of your welcoming embrace,

A smile that lit up my lonely world;

That playful way you stirred my passion,

Feeling lost forever, lying in your arms,

Somewhere long ago.

You’re the one I want to be with;

I love you with all that I am.

You are the precious air I breathe,

A character in every dream I cherish,

That missing part of me that I see,

Looking deeply into your eyes.

The First Day I Went to Jail

Six months after I graduated from Rutgers with a bachelor’s degree in psychology, I began my first “real” job as a social worker for New Jersey’s Bureau of Children’s Services.

“I want you to visit this seventeen-year old in the jail up the street,” said my supervisor.  “Her father signed an incorrigibility complaint—again.”

“Sure,” I said  as I tried to dismiss the thought that I’d accepted the wrong job. Coming from a conservative middle-class background, I had never seen the inside of a jail, let alone visited an inmate.

It has been more than forty years, so I don’t remember many of the details. What I do recall is being startled by the deep voice that came out of nowhere when I first entered the building, asking me why I was there. He buzzed me in after I responded, and I was led back to a room where I spoke with Janet (not her real name, of course).

This tall, dirty-blond young woman was amused by the fact that I was only a few years older and promptly called me “Granny.” I didn’t mind the nickname and as she talked about her life, I came to see a free-spirited girl who had been toughened by her experiences but who still managed to be kind and funny despite her dysfunctional family. I genuinely liked her and admired her compassion for others.

Over the next few months, we spent a few more times discussing her problems. It wasn’t long, however, before Janet turned eighteen and aged out of the agency system. I felt relieved of my responsibility to her, but at the same time concerned about a future with unsavory friends and no high school diploma. I never saw her again.

A couple of years later, a news article came to my attention. Janet’s murdered body had been found on the township dump—a young life tossed aside like a piece of trash. I wondered  if I could have helped her in some way avoid this ending, but came to realize that a few sessions with a young social worker could not have had a profound effect on twenty years of living in an environment of neglect, poverty and ignorance.

I can only hope that our times together helped in some way. Perhaps she made a couple of better decisions, or perhaps not. One thing I do know is that the experience of learning about a life so different from my own left a lasting imprint on mine.

What Are You Grateful For Today?

There’s always something to appreciate if you think about it. Even on dark, gloomy mornings, the fact that you woke up to see it, is a blessing. Life is something to be thankful for, and as tough as it may seem now, things change and the road levels off.

I find my own life goes more smoothly if I focus on gratitude at least once a day. Before going to bed is an excellent time to be reflective of the day just lived. I know, some days you’d like to forget. We all have those days. Bad things often happen to make room for new opportunities and growth.

If you can’t find the silver lining in that day, then look around at the people in your life. No doubt many of them love you more than you will ever realize. Love is always something to be grateful for. If there are no friends or loved-ones there, it’s an invitation to step outside your comfort zone—join a group or get involved in a charity or church group. Reach out to a neighbor, co-worker or a stranger who needs help. There are plenty of them around.

Some people keep a gratitude journal. While that doesn’t work for all (me included), it’s easy enough to say outloud five things (events, people, objects, feelings, etc.) you are grateful for each day. Be sure to actually feel the gratitude as you think about each one. Can’t do five? Start with three.

We frequently take people and things for granted. Remember to search for the joy in whatever and whoever is in your life. As the saying goes, tomorrow is promised to no one. Make the best of each day and remember that the more you appreciate your life and the people in it, the easier it will be for more good things to come your way.

Change

     The necessity of change is difficult for many of us to accept. There is no doubt that sudden unexpected change such as the death of a loved one is devastating. Some are able to integrate loving memories of their dear one into a life that moves ahead. Others lead limited lives by failing to accept the unwanted change in circumstances.

     It’s often easier to accept less tragic, more gradual change, especially if you are younger. If you’ve lived more than a few decades you’ve seen numerous shifts in culture, ways of thinking and lifestyles. When we are young it seems easier to flow with these changes. As we age, however, flowing with change tends to become more difficult. When we get older, we sometimes nurture a desire to return to the safety or “sanity” of the childhood years, or the beauty and agility of our younger glory days. Too many past thoughts blind us to the present, and we fail to see and appreciate all that’s worthwhile right in front of us.

     A fully lived life necessitates a reasonable degree of adaptability. Accept the idea that nothing stays the same. It’s the only thing that’s certain in life. Learn to accept what you can’t change. If you have no control over the circumstances, there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t change other people, only the way you react to them. Moreover, if you are unhappy, take the necessary steps to make the changes you can control. Don’t allow anxiety and fear to dominate your actions.

     If you seek more peace and fulfillment in your life, remember to live in the present moment. Every second is precious; don’t waste time reliving the past or dreaming too much about the future. Being grateful for all the good things in your life presently, will bring you even more reasons to be grateful down the road. Flow through the rough spots and live each day fully. You can’t move ahead, or live your best life, with your head stuck in the past.

Love’s Reward

I recently came across this poem I wrote in 1985 when I was cleaning out a closet today. I hope you enjoy it.

“True love does not seek its own reward; its worth, its dignity, is entrenched within its own existence; it breathes with soft sounds and lives in tender thoughts that touch the soul.

True love understands unspoken utterances; its beauty, its expression, is seen within the gentleness of the eyes; it whispers ‘always’ and never speaks the word ‘impossible’.

True love believes, when faith dares to falter; its trust, its devotion, abides in childlike innocence spotted by reality’s harshness; it feels the deepest depths of vulnerability and knows this to be the secret of its strength.

True love cries silently the tears of the beloved; its pain, its sorrow, is shared sacredly within the heart’s deepest chambers; it enjoys contentment when peace abounds and smiles when it hears the words ‘I love you’. “

January, 1985

I Didn’t Know

I liked you, even loved you, from afar

I felt I had known you before

In my mind, that cabin in the woods

A cruel, ridiculing father

Brown eyes filled with tears

A boy too sensitive and kind to kill a deer

Was I the disapproving one

Or the other too weak to speak?

Equally a sin against a gentle child of God

Haunted by the memory of your pain-filled cries

Unaware I’d have a chance one day

To heal, and be healed, from the sorrow I caused

Now to hug you dearly as a lost child

And hear you whisper, “I’m hugging you back”

To have you ask for an embrace I couldn’t give then

And feel your love radiate back to me

To say, “I love you” and hear you answer softly, “I understand”

I didn’t know

Photo Credit:  Copyright: mizinatanya / 123RF Stock Photo

Getting It Back

This is an article that I wrote as a guest blogger for Gilda Evans in April 2014. In today’s busy world, it is easy to lose oneself…to get so caught up in daily activites or the lives of others, that we forget what is most important – ourselves! A strong sense of self will guide you down life’s pathway to your goals and give you the strength and resilience to be available to others in a loving, healthy way.

The relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have. At birth, we know nothing other than to be our true selves and have little awareness of our surroundings as we begin to bond with those who care for us. Soon, however, we slowly begin to learn that we are not the center of the universe—that all of our actions are not acceptable and that not all of our desires get fulfilled.

Our self-image is gradually molded during our formative years. In childhood, parental demands and expectations begin to chip away at our self-concept. When we become teenagers, the desire to fit in often supersedes our desire and ability to be our true self. Some of us spend a lifetime trying to reclaim this birthright—the ability to be genuinely ourselves and to feel good about it.

Getting it back means taking a good look at yourself, pros and cons, and fully accepting “you” exactly the way you are. Recognize that you don’t need anyone or anything else to make you whole. Of course, this is easier said than done because we do need to have relationships with others. Too often, however, these relationships take too much away from us, and we lose more even of ourselves.

A healthy relationship is one in which two individuals, who are whole and complete in themselves, come together to delight and share in each other’s lives. These relationships are honest, supportive and loving whether they be friendship or romance. The fact is that you cannot be in this type of relationship fully with another until you first have it with yourself.

For those who need a little help, here are some tips to get you there:

1. Buy a journal or notebook and begin to write about your hopes and dreams, your feelings, your experiences during the day, etc. This is an excellent way to get to know and understand yourself better. You might even try writing a few love notes to yourself.

2. Make a list of your pros and cons without judging. Accept that this is the way you are and begin to love yourself unconditionally. Everyone else has their own pros and cons—no one is perfect. Stop comparing yourself to others; no one is better or less than another, just different.

3. Take note of what makes you unique and different from others you know. This is the treasure that you are meant to give to the world. Focus on developing and sharing more of your special qualities.

4. Take five minutes a day to look at yourself in the mirror and say positive affirmations such as, “I love and accept myself just the way I am.”

5. Remember to treat yourself as kindly and lovingly as you do the person whom you love the most. Take time out to be good to yourself. Make a date with yourself to do or buy something special.

The Human Heart

I was recently going through some old boxes and came across a few poems that I wrote over thirty years ago. This is my favorite; I hope you like it, too.

The heart hears loudly, voices softly spoken.

It cries the tears of today’s tragedy;

It smiles with tomorrow’s hidden hopes.

The heart sees clearly, visions scarcely conceived.

It fears the hurt that strikes its core;

It loves what it dares to embrace.

The heart speaks strongly, words hardly heard.

It argues against logic’s best reasoning;

It trusts in no wisdom but its own.

October, 1984

Photo Credit: Copyright: katjagerasimova / 123RF Stock Photo

In Celebration of Introverts

It’s time for introverts to stop feeling like they should be more like them…extroverts, that is. It seems like there are many more of them than us, or at least it did when I was growing up. I was encouraged to be more outgoing, speak up and, “for heaven’s sake, raise your hand more in class.” Research is now showing that there are differences in brain chemistry and in the way these so-called personalities respond to stimuli and recharge energy. Extroverts are energized by being around others while introverts thrive when they are alone or spending limited time with a close friend. Too many people, loud noise or constant activity drains their energy. However, there is no such thing as a one-hundred percent introvert or extrovert; the majority of people fall somewhere in between.

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Introverts, give yourself permission to be you—the deep thinker, the intellectual, the writer, the poet, the artist or silent creator who looks at the world from a place deep inside yourself. If you are happy in your world, don’t allow others’ expectations to be forced upon you. They may perceive your quiet tendencies as uncaring, rude or stuck-up. That’s their stuff, not yours (unless you really are).  The only reason that some people may call you out is because of their own emotional response to you. They worry that you are judging, or thinking badly of them, and that makes them feel uncomfortable.

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Parents and educators, teach your children, introverts or otherwise, to love and accept themselves as they are. A little person who is made to feel “less than” will waste years trying to measure up. Sadly, some go on feeling defensive about themselves their whole lives. Those who learn to appreciate themselves as children are more likely to embrace their full potential as adults if they build upon a solid foundation that celebrates their special talents and uniqueness.

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Introversion has graced us with many brilliant and talented people, i.e. Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt, Albert Einstein and even, Christina Aguilera. It’s okay to be quiet—some of us need our silence and thrive within it. Don’t make us try to fit into a mold. That’s the quickest way to destroy our spirit.

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For more information :

http://www.medicaldaily.com/brain-introvert-compared-extrovert-are-they-really-different-299064

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201008/revenge-the-introvert

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-power-of-introverts/

http://introvertspring.com/blog/

http://www.fastcompany.com/3016031/leadership-now/are-you-an-introvert-or-an-extrovert-and-what-it-means-for-your-career

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/08/15/famous-introverts_n_3733400.html