Self Help

Soul-Filled Moments

/ Shirley Sorbello / 8 Comments

We came here to connect with, not disconnect from, our true selves. For some of us, this takes a lifetime; others seem to be born with a knowing that we are more than our physical body. Sadly, there are those who barely connect and continue to live a life of quiet desperation, with an empty feeling they try unsuccessfully to fill. Others never connect at all until they die and reunite with their true higher self.

Some of us feel our soul in the whispers of the wind; others in the crashing of the sea upon the jagged rocks. It might be heard in the spring song of a robin or seen in your baby’s first smile. It is that feeling of joy and infinite peace that you experience when you hook up with all that you are – the part of you that never dies but lives through all eternity. How do you connect? What is it you do when you lose yourself completely and time no longer exists?

When you take the time on a regular basis to experience soul-filled moments such as losing yourself in a hobby you adore or quiet moments of meditation, you will find it easier to keep your life in perspective. You will tend to detach, not escape in addictive behaviors, from the pain or complexity of your existence. You will be able to see through more neutral eyes as your ego-driven personality relinquishes control, and you become capable of seeing who you really are, in love and light. Not only will your health improve, but you will feel at peace as you see the wholeness and magnificence of this unique, loving being you were created to be. Nothing will seem impossible to you then. All problems are solvable, and they no longer even matter. Isn’t that a good place to be?

The Journey

/ Shirley Sorbello / 10 Comments

Blogger

When I began my writing adventure over a year ago, I believed I had some idea of what I wanted to do and how to approach it. The research I did into writing skills that others said were important showed me how to tweak my very basic ones. I think I finally even got the “show, not tell” concept although it took a while. A friend asked, “Who are they that say all these things? Stop spending so much time reading about writing and just write.” To a large extent she was right, especially after I had devoured parts of numerous books about the craft of writing. I really did need to spend more time writing. I learned it’s important to find your own voice, write from your heart and that my writing would get better and better with practice.

Okay, I was ready…well, maybe not quite yet. I spent considerable time reading blogs such as Jane Friedman’s about the fast-changing publishing industry. Self-publishing seemed to be the better choice for me, as I am older and would like to live long enough to see a few of my books and short stories in print, not spend my time waiting for other publishers to get back to me. What was going on here with all this reading of articles and blogs and so little writing? Maybe I didn’t have as much to say as I thought? Not really. I learned that my annoying perfectionism was still being fed by my insecurities about doing something new and unfamiliar to me.

Self-publication can be intimidating…so many choices and options and so much to read about it all. Who should I listen to? How do I format my work? I realized it’s now time to take some of my own advice about going with the flow, speaking my truth and following my own bliss. I’m ready to take the plunge by publishing my first short story in the very near future. It’s written and ready to go as I venture forth inspired by the words of Henry David Thoreau: “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.” I’ve learned I do have the guts to learn how to do it and look forward to seeing my first short story on Amazon.

As has been said probably too many times, it’s the journey, not the destination that’s important. So as I progress onward to my goal of self-publication, I continue to learn more about myself…my strengths, my weaknesses, my likes and dislikes. In addition, I’ve learned that this whole writing pathway is not only one of self-discovery, but also one that I’m meant to share with others whose lives I may touch and who reach out a hand to help me along with their words of encouragement. What I’m discovering may not be exactly what I expected, but something even better. I’ve learned that a blog is an amazing avenue of self-expression where I meet warm and wonderful people even if I never publish anything else.

Do You Live Your Truth?

/ Shirley Sorbello / 19 Comments

“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
—— Hamlet, Act 1, scene 3

These words of Polonius have stayed with me since I first read them at age fifteen. But it’s hard, isn’t it, to be true to yourself as a teen when the urge is to conform? We come into this life fully being ourselves and then lose who we are under the parental guidance of early childhood and the peer pressure of adolescence. At least most of us do, and I was no different. I always knew, though, that I felt happiest when I allowed my inner light to shine on my own uniqueness.

As the years go by, many of us become more familiar with our true selves. Perhaps we have grown more confident because we’ve found recognition and success in using our natural talents or skills. Or, it might be because we’re fortunate to have solid emotional support from close family or friends with whom we’ve dared to share our deepest thoughts or craziest ideas. Regardless, they still love us. Best of all, maybe it’s because we’ve learned to genuinely love, as well as like, ourselves. It simply feels good when you know you are saying, acting or writing in a way that is an honest reflection of your true self, doesn’t it?

As a therapist and social worker, I‘ve come across many adults from all walks of life who worry too much about what others think of them. Perhaps they are still trying too hard to please a parent or a spouse. Maybe it’s a writer who hesitates to write about controversial issues or an actor or musician who denies some of their creativity and presents himself or herself in a way they believe will be most approving to their audience. It’s more important to play to your soul than to your audience. Ignore the negativity that haunts the internet, the press and the chatter from those who are not capable of understanding you. You will touch those who are meant to find you in very meaningful ways.

If you have trouble connecting with your real self, take a little time to meditate, listen to your favorite music, or simply enjoy nature. That relaxing glow you feel after a glass of wine takes you right there also and is a good time to write down your thoughts or feelings. Journaling daily, with or without the wine, is another pathway. For others, the joy of a religious experience puts them in touch with that deepest part of themselves.

True success lies in living your truth, whatever it is, both professionally and personally. This doesn’t necessarily mean achieving a worldly measure of success, but rather success in the eyes of your soul. It means being open and honest with others to the extent you possibly can. If you can allow your real self to consistently express freely, you will undoubtedly find peace in your life because you have become who you were born to be. You are accomplishing your goal by doing the work you are best suited for and touching others’ lives in very special ways. Your soul will applaud you.

Cape May Point Therapy

/ Shirley Sorbello / 18 Comments
Sunset Beach, Cape May Point, NJ

Sunset Beach, Cape May Point, NJ

As I sadly watch the orange and red leaves swirl in the cool October winds, my thoughts return to a warm, sunny week in September…a peaceful time with perfect weather spent in Cape May Point, New Jersey. It was only a few weeks ago, yet it seems a distant memory now that we are well into October.

Sunset Beach, Cape May Point, NJ

Sunset Beach, Cape May Point, NJ

It is here where the Delaware Bay meets the Atlantic Ocean. You could even say that time has slowed or, at the very least, left behind parts of this community with its Victorian homes and cottages from early 1900’s. Of course, modern houses dot the neighborhood here and there, but a strong sense of the past remains as evidenced by the community post office and general store.

General Store, Cape May Point, NJ

General Store, Cape May Point, NJ

Cape May Point, NJ Post Office

Cape May Point, NJ Post Office

Sometimes it’s good to just let yourself “be” as I frequently did in this idyllic community along the Jersey shore. It was easy to feel completely contented rocking on the front porch or staring out at the ocean without a thought of the past or the future. Butterflies dotted the bushes in front of our cottage while an occasional dragonfly darted about. I was part of their world and they were part of mine. Being fully present in those magical moments of oneness felt calming and regenerative to me.

Butterfly, Cape May Point, NJ

Butterfly, Cape May Point, NJ

I urge you to make an appointment with yourself to go somewhere peaceful and relaxing for at least a few hours and “just be.” Focus on the present moment. Look, smell, feel, touch, maybe even taste.  It doesn’t have to be an exotic location; it can be a quiet retreat in your own home or yard.  The result can be as good as any medication, and it will regenerate your body, mind and spirit.

I look forward to sharing more of Cape May Point with you in future posts.

No More “Shoulds”

/ Shirley Sorbello / 10 Comments

Madeira Beach, Florida
photo by Sherri Sorbello

 

What would your life be like if you could remove the spoken words or thoughts in your head that begin with “I should?” Sound good? Of course, we all have responsibilities that we absolutely have to honor, but unless it’s a matter of life or death, perhaps we can live our lives in a way that includes more of the things we want to do than we’ve been allowing.

Contrary to what many of us have been taught, it’s okay to put your own needs before others. Your  body, mind and spirit need to be nurtured and attended to first so you will have the energy and desire to assist others. It’s like they tell you on an airplane: put the oxygen mask on yourself before putting one on your child. Allow yourself the time for that nap, exercise workout, meditation session or on-line class.

Sometimes, what we think we should do, doesn’t really need to be done. If you’re a perfectionist like I am, you may find that you’re being too hard on yourself and wasting time on activities that really don’t matter. As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed that some things, like balancing my checkbook to the exact penny, are just not worth my time.

Some of your “shoulds” may simply be habits, such as always doing the family laundry on Mondays and Fridays. Maybe you’d rather go to the beach on a Monday and you are feeling guilty that you won’t be home doing laundry.  Now really, which do you want to be doing? You’ll be a happier person if you allow yourself to become more flexible with your chores.

Other times, that little voice in your head is just an outgrown memory tape of things your parents said to you years ago. Is it still wise advice or just a reflection of their values and prejudices that hold no meaning for you at this place and time in your life? Be selective and listen only to what makes sense to you now.

When the next “I should” vs. “I want” dilemma comes up, try choosing “I want.” You will find that if you do this more often, you will generate more positive energy in your life and your world will become a happier place for you and those around you.

 

 

 

 

A Farewell to Chocolate

/ Shirley Sorbello / 4 Comments

For nine years I’ve been sniffing chocolate—chocolate body lotion (yes, it contains cocoa), chocolate–scented candles and the real stuff, like chocolate butter creams and my biggest moneymaker, chocolate-covered potato chips. It’s been a fun, internet business that I began by following my passion. And, yes, the money did follow, although the economic trend of the past few years halted its growth.

It was a happy business. It didn’t matter whether it was a new chocolate soap or some chocolate-peanut butter fudge, it was always a treat, tasting or testing the products. There were also lots of memorable experiences with customers, friends who helped me, and the companies I worked with.  Some frustrating times, too, but the good times far outweighed the bad.

Some of my most memorable products include chocolate thongs and chocolate voodoo dolls.  Both companies that made these have, unfortunately, gone out of business.  I’ll never forget the day when I came home from my real job to fifteen orders, mostly for the candy thongs, all of which had to ship immediately, just in time for Valentine’s Day. It was a clerical nighmare when some people ordered more than I had in stock.  My site had taken the money for the missing items so I had to take extra time to email and credit their cards in between the wrapping. Interesting, too, is how voodoo doll sales always went up after Valentine’s Day. I had my own theory about disgruntled lovers purchasing them when they didn’t receive the Valentine gift they were hoping for.

I knew it was time to leave when I began resenting the space the business occupied in my home and becoming annoyed by the frustrated calls from customers on my answering machine when I dared to spend a few days away. It’s an internet business. Shouldn’t it run itself while I’m away? Even the best experiences have to end sometime.

Still, it’s a bittersweet parting (no pun intended), like graduating from high school or walking away from an exciting relationship that turned ugly. It caught me by surprise when I found myself teary-eyed taking the chocolate candy off the website last month. I realized later that my sadness was for the past, not for the present or future.  I look forward to having more time and freedom to write and travel. Change is always a little difficult, even in the best of circumstances. Don’t you think?

Chocolate Sensations officially closes on June 30th. Many thanks to all my wonderful customers and the loyal friends and family that have always been supportive of this business endeavor. Special thanks to David Bradley Chocolatier and Lathers & Lights.  I couldn’t have done it without all of you!

 

 

Can some of you relate to a bittersweet parting? Were you also surprised by sadness when you walked away from an experience you thought you had tired of?

Follow Your Bliss

/ Shirley Sorbello / 2 Comments

 

Wine and ChocolateFollow your bliss…it’s a saying that is heard frequently.  What does bliss mean exactly?  I signed on to the internet to take a peek and found a general consensus among links that it is an “extreme state of happiness,” if nothing else.  Sound’s good doesn’t it?

What does it mean to you?  What makes you extremely happy, or even just happy? Of course, it’s different for each of us.  Start small if you’re having trouble.  Perhaps it’s eating some chocolate or a tasty piece of filet mignon.  I’m in for both of those.  Keep adding until you have a happiness checklist.  It could be spending time with friends or that special someone.  Maybe it’s a hobby that you get so lost in that you lose track of time.  It’s wonderful if  your profession is blissful, and you are doing what you love everyday at work.

So how do you follow your bliss? If you’re doing it, you already know.  Your days are filled with moments of joy and deep satisfaction. If you’re still working on it, then keep the checklist handy and begin to integrate more of these happy options into your daily routine.  I also use the “follow your bliss” concept when it comes to making simple choices like which housekeeping chore to do first.  If I do first, the one I dislike the least, I find the rest of them go easier and faster.  Of course, use it when making a big choice like selecting which house to buy.  Choose the one that makes you smile and sings to your heart, assuming you can afford it, of course, or it won’t be a blissful choice for long.

I’m for bringing more blissful moments into each of our lives, week by week, day by day, moment by moment, until “following your bliss” becomes a wonderful habit.  How about you?

Thoughts for 2012

/ Shirley Sorbello / 1 Comment

Change is upon us whether we like it or not.  We can be proactive and make it easier on ourselves or we can continue to react with negativity and fear.

We are seeing evidence of the change worldwide. Humanity is coming to terms with itself, looking into the mirror of human consciousness. It forces us to face our fears, our failures; look at who we are individually, as a family, as a citizen of a country, as a member of the world family, dysfunctional though it may be.

We are all in this together.  Many of the same societal trends we see in the United States are also in Europe and elsewhere.  Values have become skewed.  Kids are bullied worldwide because those who bully see so little of value in themselves. Homes and cars are often treasured more than family relationships and integrity. Greed is a monster lurking everywhere in the shadows. Political parties are on power trips.  They value their own party’s interest more than their own country.

The globe continues to be riveted with earthquakes, ecological disasters, volcanoes, economic collapses of institutions and countries, and wars.  2012 is here now. Some say it’s the end of the world, at least as we know it.  At the very least, it does seem to be a time of endings and new beginnings.

Whatever needs to change is smacking us in the face now. Such things as poverty, hate, greed, dishonesty, discrimination, hunger, abuse and war will no doubt continue until we seriously take a look at them, both as a society and as an individual.

Are we losing sight of the forest while climbing our own trees of righteousness and separatism?  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but thoughts and words are things. There are a lot of harmful ones floating around.  Just look at what the haters are posting on the internet, even about things they know nothing about and people they don’t even know.  Where does this come from?  What is going on in peoples’ own lives that fosters this kind of thinking?

We cannot survive alone, whether as an individual or a country.  We are all one.  What we do to another, we do to our own selves. Seeking the spiritual in our lives can put us in touch with the whole of human consciousness.  The path to spirituality is a personal choice.  It doesn’t matter whether it’s through a church community, listening to beautiful music, enjoying nature, or meditative experiences.  What’s important is that we reach a state where we feel at one with the universe; a place where we can feel love for the whole and most importantly for ourselves.  It is impossible to hate anyone else when we truly love ourselves.  Raising individual consciousness will raise the consciousness of humanity.  Life will become easier with an increase of positive, higher energy thoughts floating around the world.

Appreciation is a golden key when it comes to bringing more good things into our lives.  This includes appreciation of such things as love, friends, family, health, objects, opportunities, those annoying people in our lives, and most importantly, everything about ourselves.  Yes, I said, “those annoying people in our lives.” Why? They are here to teach use something about ourselves.  When we learn what it is, they are likely to go away or fade into the background.  There is something good in everything and everyone; we just need to look more closely to discover it.

It’s time to houseclean our own personal lives.  What’s really important?  What issues keep repeating themselves and need to be finally dealt with? A “wants” versus “needs” assessment is a valuable tool.  Many of the things we think we want will really not make us any happier.  It’s also time for an elimination of excess baggage, whether it’s things or relationships. Keeping around what we’ve outgrown, or no longer interested in, weighs us down.  Our inner world mirrors our outer world. If we can make our personal worlds more satisfying, loving and peaceful, then we will be better prepared to face the challenges that 2012 brings.